#not putting this in the character tag because again. i dont know for sure if i should be interpreting this as canon or not
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I'm gonna be honest I've been mulling over the cut dialogue post for the entire day because what I want to know is the direction of the developers.
Part of me isn't sure whether if the cut dialogue was cut content for the sake of cut content (i.e. time/budget limitations, it was too much/unnecessary for the scene, etc) or whether it was a change in tweaking Volo's canon character. (i.e. making his villainy closer/a foil of Cyrus.) (for the most I'm still not sure if the cut dialogue is considered "canon" or not, but for the most part until we see official content that contradicts it I will consider it as "canon" Volo.)
Because I don't know about you, but it's really telling something about his character.
I'm a descendant of the ancient Sinnoh people! I revere Arceus, the almighty god, and I will demonstrate his power to all living things in the sky, the earth, the sea! Yes! As the avatar of Arceus, I will house that power and bring its gospel to Hisui! I won't let you, an outsider with no history here, get in my way!
Okay so, this passage is the part I want to delve into. A couple of points:
"Avatar of Arceus" - this pretty much explains the Arceus cosplay in the final battle. I mean it was assumed already if you know how iconography and symbolism works, but it pretty much plainly explains that Volo sees himself as a god or in the very least, as a standing representation of Arceus itself in the physical world.
"I will house that power" - again this is just a rewording of what already exists in the final scene, where Volo states he wants to "use Arceus' power to create a new better world". Note he doesn't say he will defeat Arceus, or kill it. I know it's common interpretation in fan circles that Volo kills/takes Arceus power, but it's important for us to remember that canonically, Volo DOES NOT want to kill Arceus. His reverence may be strong, and he does have this weird religious ecstasy brainrot, but he does not wish to actually kill it. Volo is a religious zealot.
And the parts that are bothering me the most are these lines:
"I will demonstrate his power to all living things in the sky, the earth, the sea! / ...bring its gospel to Hisui!" - this part is what I'm ruminating on the most. Because with this passage, it's making me rethink all of my previous interpretations on Volo, and I fear we may have been misinterpreting him this entire time.
This is again where I want to emphasize I don't know for sure if this is a character rework or cut content, because here Volo makes no mention of a "better world" by using the power of Arceus.
Because yknow what that sounds like right? Like Christian/Catholic preaching. Specifically the word "gospel" is used here, and he makes mention of "demonstrating his power to all living things". Like spreading the word of God? He makes no mention of this gospel of Arceus being love or light however, which makes me worried what this implies...
And this is what's bothering the most about this. Volo from this dialogue, may not be a saviour wishing to create a better world without suffering because his God designed a flawed world that included those things.
Volo is a religious zealot that believes the world is flawed because of other people, not because his God made a flawed creation. And that the cure to removing this suffering is recreating his own biblical flood and killing everyone and spreading the word of Jesus Arceus.
That's why Volo has a hard time trusting others in Pokemas because other people are sinful/backstabbing and cannot be trusted (albeit heavily influenced by whatever Traumatic Thing™ happened in his villain backstory that as of writing this, has yet to be revealed) but if this is canon to his character, it's a HUGE difference from what we were all interpreting. He's not staging a divine coup for the people, he's your Catholic pastor that believes if you don't believe in god you're going to hell. He's the holy crusader that is willing to hurt entire groups of people in the name of god, believing this harm he's doing is "righteous" because he's doing it for Arceus.
If this is what Volo's idea of a "better world" was like the entire time, damn I really hope he loses and gets a redemption. A world where everyone follows the gospel of God through force? Maybe there's a reason he's a villain.
#text#headcanons#not putting this in the character tag because again. i dont know for sure if i should be interpreting this as canon or not#but man. realizing this possible interpretation has. made Volo give the biggest ick to me.#the tonal shift to being in this weird but interesting internal conflict between loving/resenting your god#......to having absolute loyalty to a god (that happens to have christian themes) and and hurting others in his name. its uh#hitting a little TOO home to real life. the fact that he's blonde and white isnt helping. like a little too much like the irl stereotypes#part of me hopes this isnt canon because this is so less sexy. like damn i guess he might be just any white christian guy in america.#sources: I'm also a guy with religious trauma and i genuinely think Volo is whack.
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CONTENT: task f 141 + graves + makarov headcannons — gn! reader >> slight angst. nsfw kinda. main character death mentioned. gun kink. knife kink. marking kink. blood mentioned. internalized homophobia. wc: around 1000+
an ;; LMAO CAN YOU TELL WHO HALF THOSE TAGS ARE FOR
“HOW DO THEY LOVE? // HOW POSSESSIVE ARE THEY? // DO THEY SHARE?„
SIMON “GHOST” RILEY ✮
hes possessive alright. simon most likey has never had or felt real feelings for another person other than his familiarity with 141 and that wouldn’t attempt to change unless he’d met someone who is able to sneak into the gigantic walls he put up for himself. that being said if you were to step into his life by chance and also happen to fit his personality enough for his walls to shift.. lets just say you’d be on his hook for life. simon takes pride in knowing he has finally has someone to go home to (like a real military man he thinks), he takes pride in knowing he can count on someone, he takes care of the ones he “loves”. you caring for him back is just bonus points in his fucked up book. sum of it ghost is pretty possessive, although hes not the one to kill or be extreme with his measures for you ( he will break a bone or two ), he will always make sure to put himself first and while that’s selfish hes been through more than enough to know that love never sticks and his trauma filled heart wont let him stay too long—but if he thinks that you are a need in his life,, then you are his to keep. hell asking if ghost shares could get you killed. while ghost is not the one to kill for you—he will kill for himself. you are now a necessity in ghosts life; in simons life. you’re in his routine and he doesn’t make room in his routine for just anybody, simon sees you as a part of his own as he now needs you for certain tasks. killing for himself is way easier and will happen if anyone even suggests sharing you to him.
CAPTAIN. JOHN PRICE
john is one hell of a lover, thats for sure. he takes his love life seriously; wants to date to marry type serious. its sure by his age he’s already been divorced or has been married and thats not something he takes lightly. hes all for one night stands but if your going to get him all cheesed up just expect to take him out to dinner the next day. if the “date” goes well and you both start with something thats sort of a talking stage, its clear he wants something as he doesn’t let his guard down for just anybody. like simon he puts his work first, task force 141 coming before his own soul. hes a workaholic of course and would need someone who he could talk to about his paperwork; a person he could complain to for hours about how soap works on his nerves. if you meet his standards you might as well be his even if you dont know it; he’s just as possessive as it gets. you’re civilian? hes treating you like one of his soldiers because he’s possessive over all of his men, price will kill for you knowing the danger he attracts. you’re military? hes backing you up if you need the extra assistance and will not hesitate to drop a body for you. cause thats how he loves; its all he knows. sharing is a hard no for price, he finds it awkward to share with anyone and if you want someone else.. lets just say he’d rather leave you than see you be with another person while with him, again he will not share under no circumstance. he needs you and you only and if you cant except that then “best get to goin’. ” in his words.
JOHNNY “SOAP” MACTAVISH
soap doesnt love as hard as john or have walls as high as ghost, he has his own sense of self coordination. soap wants someone whose rough enough but can handle his jokes. someone who can love him for who he his, for all his scars, for his wellbeing. I imagine johnny growing up being chastised for his sexuality. meeting you would solidify something in him as you would accept him and he would never forget that heavenly trait of yours. hes fallen for you already and theres not much more to do before he wants a ring from you. I know I said he doesnt love as hard as john but soap can come to love just as hard and willingly as he wants to; all he needs is a push. soaps clingy nature is active once hes feeling comfortable around you, wants to be by you most of the time especially including when he has to do stacks of deskwork. soap is one of the only ones who is willing to share, thinks its your choice compared to his. no matter what you do hes by your side; though, killing for you is his last resort. with johnny killing will not always be his first option especially since being discharged from the military he feels as though is a disgrace, he would only kill immediately if you were part of the military too and were harmed in combat. hes protective but not as possessive as the others.
KYLE "GAZ" GARRICK
kyle has relationship problems, falls for the wrong types of people. lets his guard down a bit too much than the others. makes him different in his heart; but too soft for the bunch. he crushes on people who give him even the tiniest bit of affection, must be because hes only dated around a few times. so guess its not absurd for the situation that was between you two. It was weird for a bit; weird cant even be the word. you and kyle were bestfriends and kyle had liked you. it was awkward to say the least but he confessed and for the first time in a while someone had said yes to his confession. it already sparked so many feelings that you could probably have had him right there. while gaz has relationship problems its safe to say hes just as possessive as the others, once hes got a hold of you its a while before he lets go. hes clingy like soap and loves hard like price. he’s different because he will kill for you if needed, whether you be civilian or military personnel no matter what’s happening kyle loves too much to let the person he cares about go. he shares because, again, its your choice and hes into whatever your into. though his tolerance is low; hes only sharing because its what you want. he would never willingly share if you didn’t want to and would never ask you if you wanted relations with another person.
COM. PHILLIP GRAVES
phillip is a one night stand typa guy, only there to fuck and leave. wouldn’t want a serious relationship and surely wouldn’t want someone to love. so he slept around ,, his job as commander was stressful, its no doubt he needed a stress reliever every minute he could get; one night stands provided that and he was fine with it, fine with the circumstances. ironically that is until he met you.. you were “different” he said. you pushed his buttons in all the right ways; made him want more of you. made him feel weird inside. said he couldn’t feel love onetime and you almost made him regret it. phillip loves rough though its soft around the edges.. he wants that same type of love reciprocated right back to him, its alright if you cant be soft to him he’ll still take it like the goodboy he is. wants someone who will treat him horribly but at the end of the day love him harder than ever, not ideal but its what he wants, and he gets what he wants. never been one to quit either, will continue to try and get you even if you said no to his advances the first time. safe to say he wont be sharing either, he has major problems with sharing when it comes to complete strangers. might share you with his shadows though; other times he wants you all to himself because he knows hes all you need. all your body needs atleast. your opinion is honestly irrelevant to him too. (he will drop anyone dead within a 5 feet radius of you.)
COM. VLADIMIR MAKAROV
vladimir, the one who is the toughest to break and even tougher to love. this is because unless you have a sign on your forehead that says “hey pick me”, makarov is not batting an eye for a civilian. under no circumstances will he let his emotions with a mere under role come in hand with his work. so in every scenario your in some type of military work or even under him in command, cause then he might peak an eyelash towards your files and find out who you are. if prior to meeting eachother you idolize his work—you’ve already climbed towers that would take years to reach. makarov wants someone whose loyal, someone whose willing to put him first (he wants a dog whose willing to take their life for him). and while many of his soldiers already happen to do that everyday for him, you stick out like a sore thumb so bad that it just so happens to confuse him. he questions whats so damn interesting about you and even comes to reason that its him being weak minded and ill thoughted. a leader does not think such thoughts about someone of your sexuality; sure as hell not a person whose so proud of it. later he comes to realize his thoughts were wrong. after a hookup between the two of you during a stressful day, he sees more of whats to come. of course still he doesn’t support but he can get behind it just for you. makarov is VERY possessive, he would kill cities for you; countries even. would carve his name on your body so that everyone knows your his, make you get a tattoo atleast. (gets you guns with his name engraved into them, loves when you try to use them against him during sex; he has a major gun kink / knife kink and loves inflicting pain on you to the point where you’re bleeding.) he for sure does not share. hes one of the ones thats obsessive over what you do enough to keep you locked up too, once your marked as his you stay his. he does not take well to his property being used by others and does not condone what you feel for that matter. if you disagree or betray his decisions,, no matter how much hes come to accept you, he can and will not hesitate to shoot you dead along with anyone whose ever tried to come in contact with you. he does not share.
bonus: WHOSE IN WHAT POSITION? (sub/dom) ✮
simon is a dom for sure while still not feeling that comfortable submitting, price also is a dom but not because he’s uncomfortable he just likes having a bit of power, johnny is a sub(literally no explanation), kyle is a switch sub/dom depending on what mood hes feeling, graves is a sub leaning dom as he doesn’t like to let you do everything by yourself, makarov is the most power in a dom ive ever seen because he can’t stand having someone being superior to him.
an :: maybeeew writing makarov smut fic in a few days maybeee 🙂↕️
@ property of gravesdept on tumblr
#✎ 𝖜𝖗𝖎𝖙𝖊𝖘.𝖈𝖔𝖒 ༉‧✧#top male reader#male reader#cod#call of duty#dom male reader#x male reader#x top male reader#cod x reader#cod mw2#seme male reader#gn reader#amab#amab reader#amab nonbinary#john soap mactavish#call of duty makarov#captain john price#phillip graves#simon ghost riley#kyle gaz garrick#kyle garrick#captain john price x male reader#top reader#x reader#reader insert#dom!male reader#male reader smut#gender neutral reader
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The first years (not Ortho) discovering that they are Yuu's emergency contact. Like Yuu put them as an emergency contact, but he didn't think it would be necessary, but he ends up having an accident out the town and is taken to the hospital, causing one of the first years to be called, so when they ask Yuu why they chose him to be As his emergency contact, Yuu responds that he is the one he trusts the most in the group.
characters: first years (excluding ortho) x gn!yuu!reader
tags: platonic, canon compliant, hurt/comfort, imagines + scenario format; mention of vil in epel's, mention of malleus in sebek's
warnings: accidents, hospitals, near-death mention, the use of the word "idiot" as an endearing term in ace's, hugs and hand-holding in deuce's
author's notes: ngl the pronouns in the ask kinda confused me so i just made this gn reader lol hope you dont mind anon <3
Ace Trappola
Despite all his antics (or maybe because of them), he really feels that he’s made a genuine connection with you
He won’t say it but he’s really glad that you put up with him and you don’t see him as some one-dimensional jerk you do see him as a multidimensional jerk though /joke
So when he gets a call from your number yet an unfamiliar voice greets him, he immediately grows worried, and for good reason - turns out you’ve ended up in the hospital due to some unknown accident
He drops everything he’s doing and rushes to the hospital without thinking twice. Like, literally rush there. He spares no time to call for transport
…Or ask for details from anyone for that matter. If it weren’t for the staff, he would’ve tried barging into any random ward to find you
When he gets to you, panting and panicked, he goes to steady himself, his hands gripping the sides of the hospital bed so tightly
You’re glad to see his face and he’s glad to see that you still manage to muster up a smile at his presence
That’s when he notices that nobody else is there, and so he asks you where everybody else is. You tell him they only called up your emergency contact which is none other than Ace himself
He asks you why is he your emergency contact out of everyone-
“It’s because I trust you the most, you idiot. I bet you ran all the way here the moment you got that phone call.”
You let out a knowing laugh and Ace pouts as a response, totally not trying to hide the tears that pricked the corner of his eyes
You’re not sure who’s supposed to do the comforting at that moment, considering you were involved in an accident and Ace is on the verge of tears - so you both don’t bother trying. The following conversation carries on as normal
Despite all his antics, you really feel like your faith in him is not misplaced.
Deuce Spade
You’ve always admired Deuce’s strength to change - and he’s always admired your loyalty
Sometimes he’d feel guilty for having you endure having him as a friend and you always have to shut him up by assuring him that there’s really nothing to endure
Even when you have to endure an almost life-ending accident, you can’t help but think of him first and foremost
His grip on the phone alternates between on the verge of breaking and so loose it’s a miracle he hasn’t dropped it yet when he gets the news
Someone goes to fetch him from the hospital and he cries on the way, not giving any room for the person to speak with him
He tries to put on a brave face when he walks through the halls in search of you but when he reaches you, he can’t resist the yell he lets out
“YUU! YOU’RE ALIVE!”
You end up having to calm him down a bit lest you two become the victims of a few dozen glares in that hospital
When he’s down to only sniffing, you tell him why he’s the first person you called
He almost broke down into tears again because of it
He’d hug you or hold your hand if your condition allows it and give you a teary smile that you of course reciprocate
You fill him in on what happened and he’ll listen intently, then offer to be by your side as long as you need him to
He’s always admired your strength - and you’ve always admired his loyalty.
Jack Howl
You always found his stubbornness amusing and honestly, he’s a bit confused as to why you stick by him all this time
Not really in a self-deprecating way - he’s always been more of a lone wolf. Only when he came to Night Raven College does he feel like he’s part of a pack now
And since you’re a part of that pack, he has a strong need to protect you, no matter the cost; so you can imagine his reaction when he got a call about you ending up in the hospital after an accident
The first thing he feels is anger; not at anything in particular yet at everything simultaneously. It’s called an accident for a reason yet why did the universe allow such a thing to happen to you?
He tries to calm himself down on the way to the hospital but it’s nothing short of difficult, even with the help of someone else
When he finally finds you, he finally lets out a breath he wasn’t even aware he was holding
You muster a smile up at him and it takes his all not to let tears break through the surface
“...I was really worried.”
You chuckle - in situations like this, his absent stubbornness really makes a difference, but you appreciate his honesty
He didn’t think twice of the fact that he was the first one you called but you tell him why anyway. A cute little smile adorns his features then
He says he’s honored that his feelings are mutual then swears to you he’ll try harder to protect you, even if it means switching places with you
You brush him off, saying you’d do the same. The conversation goes back and forth for a while after that
He’s always found your insistence endearing and frankly, he wouldn’t have you any other way.
Epel Felmier
A bit similar to Jack, only when coming to Night Raven College does he get to mingle with kids of his age due to his hometown
And one of those kids is none other than you! You two have grown so close and made some unforgettable memories together
Unfortunately though, one of those unforgettable memories includes the news of your accident. Not just for him - some may remember the scream he let out at the news
He begged Vil to let him borrow the blastcycle the Film Research Club has and Vil only nodded solemnly; nobody needs to see him cry on the way to you
He speeds through everything and anything possible; he doesn’t care whatever consequences he has to face after all this is over
When he reaches the hospital, he allows the staff to guide him to where you are as he catches his breath
He chokes out a gasp at the sight of you and calls out to you
“Y-Yuu… I’m so glad you’re alright…”
He sits on the stool provided by the hospital and his head droops low. He’s silent
You give him a moment to process everything. It’s a lot to take in. Even you didn’t think it could come to this
Five minutes pass. You sigh and tell him why he’s the first you reached out to. He mirrors your sigh and a small smile creeps onto his face
He’s grateful that he means so much to you; grateful that he can mean so much to someone. Despite himself, his heart swells with pride
Even when you are inches away from death, he feels like every memory can be a happy one as long as you’re in it.
Sebek Zigvolt
He sees you as an equal - and that’s saying something
He won’t admit it out loud but he feels less lonely for once, seeing that someone understands or at least respects him as much as you do
For once, he feels he can disconnect from his Malleus worship for a while and not feel like he’s betraying his trust
But when he hears news of you ending up in the hospital, he definitely feels a sharp pang of guilt pierce his chest; he’s betrayed your trust
He excuses himself from Malleus and apologizes profusely for willingly leaving his side for someone else, but he simply can’t abandon you
Malleus lets him go of course, even offers to tag along, but Sebek assures that Malleus is needed more where he is
His head rested in his hands while he laments in his transport, breathing heavily
It takes his all not to shout your name in search of your ward when he reaches the hospital; but he can no longer hold it back when his eyes land on you
“YUU…! YOU’RE… You have no idea…”
You wave to him as he runs to your side, tears at the corner of his eyes
You rub his back as he quietly sobs for a minute, even feeling like sobbing yourself at some point; this man holds so much love for you
You tell him why you summoned only him for now - the tears continue to stream but now he smiles and puts a hand to his head
How silly of him. Of course. How could he make such assumptions about your relationship? He could never betray you. Every moment only strengthens your trust in each other.
#writing#twst#twisted wonderland#twst x reader#twisted wonderland x reader#platonic twst x reader#platonic twisted wonderland x reader#twst x gn!reader#twisted wonderland x gn!reader#twst x gn reader#twisted wonderland x gn reader#twst x yuu#twst x mc#ace trappola x reader#ace trappola x yuu#ace trappola#deuce spade x reader#deuce spade x yuu#deuce spade#jack howl x reader#jack howl x yuu#jack howl#epel felmier x yuu#epel felmier x reader#epel felmier#sebek zigvolt x reader#sebek zigvolt x yuu#sebek zigvolt
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𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐀𝐃 𝐉𝐔𝐃𝐆𝐄𝐑 ft yamato endo
syn: could he a be a good judge of character after all?
⸻ contains: slight yandere tendencies, reader is mentioned to be a cashier, and languages.
qeena's brief note: yippieeeee finally wrapped up my endo fic AND slightly yandere endo (๑-﹏-๑) wowzwowzzz but honestly idk how i feel about this um whether i like it or not BUT i dont hate it rofl anyway no long note this time, im keeping it "brief" (๑>•̀๑) so lemme know what you guys think of this, thank you, i love you, reblogs and comments are very much appreciated and happy reading xoxo 🩷💚
It's that one time, that one time he walk around amidst of the night trying to find an open store to buy fireworks for Takiishi. He stop in his trance, gaze swept away by a solitary store stood out among the dimly light streets. His feet brought him almost leisurely to the front door and that's when he saw you, working through the racks to fill up stocks.
When he pushes the door open, the automatic bell chime and you turn around "Welcome..." The corner of his eyes crease as he smile at you "Hey, do you guys have any fireworks in 'ere?" Yeah, it's not everyday a weird looking guy with weird tattoos litter across his body come in the middle of the night asking for fireworks "Yeah, sure..." He follows you to the farthest corner of the store where you kept them "Is there anything else?" The man turn to you, shaking his head "That'll be all,"
You rushes back to the counter, patiently waiting for him to come back and pay "Y/n..." Your eyes widen, and as you look up, you're surprised to see him leaning down to your face very closely. His eyes concentrated on your tag. You ring every bit of his items as quickly as you could "That'll be 507¥." He huff, taking the bag from you and leave.
You really thought it'll be the last time you see him...
But no, the weird man keep coming back, not to buy fireworks or anything, just to loiter around and pester you with your works and because it's in the middle of the night, there's barely any customers in the store which leave you not to only listen to his constant yapping but to reluctantly accompany him as well "Don't you have anything else to do?" He point at the cup of noodle he site on the table "Besides eating?" You groaned, shaking your head "No. Besides bothering me." He snickers, taking a noisy slurp of his noodle "I do. Following Takiishi around."
You look at him, confused but you dismissed the thought straight away "Whatever, I'm going back to work, if you're finish eating, leave." He pout, putting down the utensils he's using "You're mean. I'm a customer, y'know?" You sway your head at him "You make me pay for you everytime, you fool." He breaks into a fit of laughter, watching you mad is so hilarious.
The next night, he strides to the familiar route of your shop, face bruised and nose trickled with stained blood. The prior incident flashes in his mind once again.
He was with Takiishi like usual, tailing behind the poker-faced male wherever he go without question. The duo browse a town with its street swarming with delinquents and thugs. Endo didn't mind and he's sure as hell Takiishi didn't mind it either but when one of the men purposefully pick a fight with Takiishi, Endo decided to step up for him instead and he got a harsh blow from Takiishi "Don't intervene." Another blow, his face spotted with sheepish smile and blood smearing out every cuts as Takiishi continue to beat the tattooed male.
"Why am I going to her, anyway?" He didn't understand why his feet brought him to you. He knew what you're like, indiffirent and without a doubt, he can guarantee you couldn't care less about the bruises on his face, so why is he here? In front of your work place, damaged face grinning without a thought. He opens the door, greeting you with that same crazed smile.
"Welcome...!" Your eyes widen upon seeing the state he's in "What the fuck happened to you?" He chortle, bringing one hand to touch a singular cut on his face which causes him to wince terribly "... That hurts." He couldn't properly registered what was happening until you pull him to a nearby table and sat him down "Of course, it hurts, you prick. You leave the wounds untended!" He watch you move around the store, going to the back room and came back with a first aid kit "You're so careless..." You sighed, lift the lid of the box and start tending him.
A deep gash across his cheek, several cuts and scratches covering his forehead and temple, nose trickled in crimson and eyes almost swollen "Just what the hell did you get yourself into..." You graze alcoholic pad across the wound to clean it, damping ointment gently over the cuts and scratches and finally, you put one last bandaid below his eye, on the apple of his cheek "All done."
Your eyes flutter forward to him, only then did you realized just how close you both are. Your eyes expanded and you almost fall back in shock but he caught you, rolling into laughter "Why are you red?" There's that, that hint of mockery lacing in his undertone "Shut up, asshole. You didn't even thank me for stitching you up." You look away from him, well, he wanted to tease you some more by how red and incredibly cute you look at this moment but uncharacteristically, he stayed quiet.
"Thanks," You look up, awkwardly coughed out fake coughs "D-Don't mention it, just buy me something next time." You pick up the first aid kit and leave back to the cashier.
He leave the store, heart pounding within its cage, he can feel himself shuddering to the bone at the slightest remembrance of you. Yes, he likes you, he think he wants to make you his, he think you are so perfect... Don't tell Takiishi but, now, you're his number one.
And yes, he indeed still is a bad judge of character.
𝐑𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓 is open. all rights reserved goes to @kaq3yma on tumblr.
#˙✧˖° 🍡 ⋆。˚꩜˙ 𝜗℘ qeena's work#wind breaker#wind breaker satoru nii#wind breaker au#wind breaker drabbles#wind breaker endo#wind breaker fluff#wind breaker fanfic#wind breaker imagines#wind breaker x you#wind breaker x y/n#wind breaker x reader#yamato endo#yamato endo x reader#endo x reader#endo x you#wbk x reader#wbk x you#wbk#wbk endo#wbk anime#wbk fluff#yamato endo my lover#I. AM. OFFICIALLY. INLOVE. WITH HIM🙁🙁🙁#i need a yamato endo in my life pls 😥🙇🏻♀️🙇🏻♀️#yandere endo is a NEEEDDDDD!!!!#edited: endo is so FRECKEN CUTE in the latest chapter (though it's brief) 😭😭😭
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PLEASE explain your thoughts on kriselle in full detail
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS 100% UNPROMPTED ASK! I SHALL EXPLAIN
i hate toby fox. why did he do this to us. he really put it better than anyone else. not really romantic not really platonic but…. something else… some secret more sinister more heartfelt more absurd third thing
i wonder at what point should i clarify that i dont even really seek out kriselle in a romantic context… DONT GET ME WRONG i have zero issues with the ship whatsoever and all of the krisellers out there are living their best (most painful) lives and i SEE THE APPEAL. BUT when i rotate them in my brain i dont need them to kiss or anything like that i just need them to sit down and sadly hold hands and stay like that forever and ever. in case you couldnt gauge that from my art so far
tldr i dont think i ship them in the traditional sense at least …. the things that i usually fixate on for any romantic ship are not there with these two. there are no romantic feelings there In my mind. and all at the same time i start screaming and throwing up and killing myself (all positive) whenever i see them even in the same image together. hngh
ive tried explaining this to people before and they usually suggest something along the lines of a QPR and even that doesnt feel right to me. truly the best way i can put it is… that red string of fate man… which i almost hesitate on saying too because i dont actually know if noelle is Quite an important enough character to the story to warrant a connection like that. WHICH IS A CRAZY THING TO SAY. I KNOW. DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT GETTING ME WRONG i think dess and her connections to gaster and her usage as a stepping stone into the weird route are all VERY important… but in my brain its just not kris/knight/asriel/every other mysterious main focus of the story Important. i didnt mean to get into deltarune theorizing here i hope nobody’s blood is boiling rn
so yeah in the end. toby fox once again put it best. they are friends, but they are also something else.
back to the actual pairing though… sometimes i think im going overboard and overestimating how close kris and noelle were as children because noelle will go and say things like “i wonder if we were ever really friends at all.” which is kind of a fair statement considering the circumstances. sure they played together and all and tagged along with their siblings to do stuff together but when dess went missing… it all kind of stopped. kris is just a kid, they dont know what to do or even how to process it, much like noelle. asriel is probably dealing with his own feelings, he just lost his friend and likely old enough to understand the weight of what happened. while noelle and kris cant say much to each other at all.
im always back and forth on speaking headcanons for kris but the one that i always seem to come back to is selective mutism… to me kris had a lot of trouble communicating well as a child and could only grow comfortable around certain people, asriel and noelle being clear examples because they’re both so patient with them. maybe because of this noelle felt like they could understand each other without really needing words, and just physical interaction was enough to achieve some form of closeness… or maybe that was all just on her end, she thinks when kris goes to play the piano. but if that’s the case, why does it feel like a concert just for her…?
jesus dont even get me start on them as teenagers either. noelle has lost her sister, and now kris has lost their brother… but not in the same way. they look at each other and wonder if they’re the same now. or, maybe thats too cruel. maybe its not the same thing at all. asriel’s coming back soon, after all. it will all be over soon, kris won’t have to feel this way for much longer, right? so then, why does kris look so miserable, sitting in the corner over there? all noelle feels like she can do is sit next to them quietly. to be there, and to somehow, vaguely, messily help each other. the misfit kids that dont really know how to talk to each other and yet understand each other regardless
thats why the dark world feels like such a dream to her. these crazy city lights, fantastical creatures, susie’s there, and she actually might have the means to defend herself and stand her ground, whether it be verbally or… otherwise
and most of all, much like with kris offering an adventurous haven to susie in ch1, the same is extended to noelle. by kris’s side, no less. it feels like theyre doing things together again, and its fun, and nostalgic… she wants to bring dess. and i think its okay to assume kris wants to bring asriel, too. recreating the make-believe world they lost so long ago… is it really possible?
no… how can it really be possible, when this isnt kris? something is wrong. its almost perfect, except kris… it’s them, but it’s not. she sees their face, their expressions, their laughs, their worries. and yet the voice that comes from them… isnt them. and it scares her! even if nothing particularly bad happened as a result. and if something bad DID happen, well…
she just wants what they had before back. is it really so impossible? can they reconcile after all these years? does kris want to? is kris capable of doing so? maybe they just need to hug again. will it feel like a real hug? the person she thought she understood is acting in ways she doesnt understand. they’re telling her to do weird things. they cycle through actions as if they just want to know what happens. and they cant even play piano anymore.
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Mexican Restaurant (Obey Me!)
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You and the brothers got hungry and end up at an authentic hole-in-the wall Mexican restaurant. They decide to put their spanish to the test.
»Characters: Demon Bros
»Tags: Bilingual (Spanish/English) Bulleted style fic, Gender Neutral, Pathetic Lucifer lmao
»Note: Sorry if the grammar/spelling is off. Ye ye, I'm Mexican but my spanish is okay at most. ���
Lucifer:
"Es picante? Lo quiero ordenar." (It's spicy? I want to order it.)
Ordered first
He didn't want you to translate for him
He wanted to use his limited Spanish to impress you
Wouldn't stop smirking since he felt like he was quite impressive
Until Mammon took over
Bitterly ate his enchiladas
He didn't understand what guapo (handsome) meant but heard it frequently in his direction
His pride wouldn't let him ask you
Sulked for the rest of the night
You asked if he was okay
"Si."
Mammon:
" Y esto cuanto cuesta? QUE!? " (And this is how much? WHAT!?)
Yeah he picked up *some* Spanish due to possible illegal activities
Took advantage of the free chips and salsa
Ordered steak fajitas
Sung and danced with the band
Yeah he was kind of drunk
Wore the title of "El Mamon" proudly without knowing it can be translated to "Idiot" in Spanish
"No te preocupes, yo te cuido" (Dont worry I'll take care of you)
Got his and your meals taken care of by the end of the night
The people hope to see El Mamon [affectionate] again, he's always welcome
Levi:
"Hola! Mi nombre es Leviathan!" (Hello! My name is Leviathan!)
Wanted to impress you so he refused to have you help him
Just pointed at something at the menu
"Por favor!" (Please!)
"El especial es muy picante...seguro que lo quieres? '...si!?' " (The special is very spicy...are you sure you want it? ...yes!?)
Was confused when they brought a crowd with his food
Held back his tears while he ate El Diablo Fuerte burrito challenge
"Mm..so...good..."
Passed out after saying that
For once, Levi's embarrassing scene made Lucifer feel better
Satan:
"Si, tamales por favor." (Yes, tamales please.)
Also a little fluent but not like Mammon
Practiced his Spanish with you, it was pretty cute tbh
Could practically eat from Lucifer's bitter energy alone
Learned to flirt with you in spanish
Took a chance and danced with you
Smirked at Lucifer while dancing
Asmo:
"Hola!" (Hello!)
Only the most basic of Spanish words
Wasn't shy to admit he needed help with the menu so you sat very close and translated
Worked extremely well in his favor
Levi shot daggers at him while Lucifer continued sulking
Ordered a carne asada quesadilla platter
Posted an unconscious Levi on DevilSnap
Him and Mammon made the place livelier than usual
Ended up dancing and flirting with the server
Got his entire meal for free
Beel:
"Dame todo. 'Que?' Todo." (Give me everything. 'What?' Everything.)
Ron Swanson™️ energy
It's the only Spanish he ever needs when ordering so he gets by every time
Happily shared a little bit of everything with you
Upset that Belphie got in the way of spoon feeding you some churro ice cream
Finished Levi's burrito with ease
Asked the server for seconds
His bill paid for the restaurants rent for the month
Got a little jealous of everyone dancing with you
Yes he made his move and got his chance
Was the one to carry Levi back to the hotel
Belphie:
"Ayudame?" (Help me?)
Can actually navigate the menu on his own
He's use to it because of Beel
Wanted the same experience you gave Asmo
Which he got (much to Lucifers dismay)
But he ordered himself when the server came
"Horchata y birria tacos por favor." (Horchata and birria tacos please.)
Horchatas his favorite drink. I will die on this hill
You asked "Belphie do you actually know some spanish?"
" I just said I needed help. I never said I didn't know."
Was the one to tell Mammon to call himself El Mamon
Lucifer and Levi lost this one. 😔 What adventure will we go on next? 🤭
⬦You might also like: Coconut︱Devil-Mart⭐︱Waffle House︱You ARE The Father
#obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me shitpost#obey me headcanons#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me asmodeus#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphegor#obey me reader insert#obey me gn!mc#obey me gn!reader#obey me humor#crossposted on ao3#◇˖・゚— › cosmic obey me . ⊹#shitpostcifer
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Can I ask your top 10 fav fics ever (from any fandom, if you don't mind)?
Also, just curious, is there a story behind your name "askew-d "?
hello, there! sorry for the long wait, i forgot to check my notifs :( i will do better next time. thank you for this question! i feel like i’ve waited ages for someone to ask me exactly that, lol. i could talk about well-written fanfics forever!! can i give you a hug? because this is wonderful, really.
let’s go for it! my range of fanfiction that i enjoy vary, but one thing remains: i will adore your fic, no matter the fandom, if it’s written with passion and if it contains good, poetic introspection. i love poetry. for me, if there’s melancholic tropes of any kind i’m into it. immortal character and reincarnation? give me now. supernatural elements or slice of life with doomed narrative? i’ll ignore sleep to read it. angst with happy ending? my endgame, for sure.
however, i also adore silly, comedic, cute pieces of domestic life or otherwise. i had a hard time choosing from my bookmarks for this, and i also reviewed some of my favorites, it was fun. before we continue, here are some of the tags that i don’t dive into for whatever reason: porn without plot (it personally just doesn’t interest me at all), non-con, gore, a/b/o dynamics, soulmates au. sorry if you were hoping for it! i’ll try classify them into an order of what i like most.
1. jellyfish, by mystery twin, for the haikyuu!! fandom — i read this when i was finishing high school and coincidentally the story talks about finishing high school! i have a personal attachment that makes me reread it every year. it’s some sort of tradition at this point. not to mention i love kagehina dearly.
2. teen project to change the world, by animeloverhomura, for the mo dao zu shi fandom — respectfully speaking, i would find this author and give them a big hug. their writing is spetacular! if you've never seen this one and you're into mdzs, know it's a story where the characters get to see every event from the novel and donghua, even the dead characters. they watch wei wuxian journey, can you believe it? so goddamn entertaining. promptly waiting for the next update!
3. a hundred or so hellos, by iwillstillopenthewindow, for the haikyuu!! fandom — remember i said i love melancholic stories? well, this one broke me so hard, i had to mention how i hold it with tenderness (we love things that breaks us, dont we?). this fandom manages to write the cutest, most unhinged things sometimes. even it's an anime about sports. i always get amazed by it.
4. no certainty of doors between us, by betts, for the mo dao zu shi fandom — certainly the most silly little fanfic i've ever seen, it's hilariously sweet. i want everyone to read this masterpiece because, seriously, whoever did this deserves only the best. so, so, cute. it had to be in my top 10!
5. their kindred encounters, by fireflavoredwhiskey, for the untamed rpf fandom (bjyx) — you know those kinds of shows, books, any piece of media, that tears up apart? well, this one was it for me. it's a very famous one that deserves all praise, certainly well-written and enjoyable to the core, with doses of angst, romance and beauty overall.
6. as the clouds part and clear, we finally meet again, by 12262325, for the mo dao zu shi fandom — aaaaa, i was truly torn between putting this in the third or fourth place, but i ended up putting it here. come on, i love an age difference kind of story, especially for wangxian, and this one was perfectly done. sweet and funny. the development? the yearning?? outstanding!! i read this many times already, i'll never get tired.
7. pursuit, by emleewrites, for the haikyuu!! fandom — mystery, romance, lawsuits, poker games, adventure, slice of life, AMAZING depictions and so, so goddamn well-written? that's what you're looking for in any fanfiction. the author dedicated herself entirely for this story, and, like i said, i love stories that are written with passion, you can see it pouring through every paragraph. besides, highly entertaining. i'm not very into long fics, but once i started it off, i couldn't stop. that's how addicting it is.
8. linger by the door (i’ve always been yours), by piecrust, for the mo dao zu shi fandom — epistolary?? have i mentioned how i love it?? some of the phrases in this are gold, in my bookmarks you can check some of them (i ought to make a list of my favorite fic quotes, btw, i will sure do it). through each letter i could comprehend more of wei wuxian's feelings and his internal conflict. i love feeling this connected to a character.
9. all the world is ours to take, by khrys, for the fugou keiji fandom — i have more than one favorite fanfiction for this couple. you know these kinds of developing relationship where the transition from (maybe enemies too) friends to lovers happens so smoothly that it feels like they've been soulmates first and foremost at the end? i don't even know how to explain. i just love how, when they finally are together, it's like they've been together for years. and they just... made it official? i like it. i love my mr. kambe haru.
10. he won’t tell you that he loves you, by hellshandbasket, for the house m.d fandom — i found this to be the most fitting, perfect story for this specific couple. they deserved more stories like this, but we dont see it anymore. i would hightlight the feelings realization in this one, that is so fucking real? haha in any case, it's a fanfic that i enjoyed a great deal.
that's it, i guess! i wanted to add link click fanfics also, however i barely started reading fanfictions from its fandom, i'm drowning in it lately but it's just a start. perhaps very sooon!
oh, i’m gonna finish explaining about the name! in my native language, i’ve heard someone tell me before that ‘life’s a little askew, nothing’s ever perfect’, and that quote remained in every biography of any english website i ever went to. then in literature class someday i had to write about historical women and came across this one named anne askew (i wanted to write about the mostly barely-spoken women). it was the second time i saw this word. i didn’t think of it as a proper name before, but then i had to create a nickname for my ao3 profile and thought, humn, why not just ‘askew’? the quote has been engraved in my heart anyway, so i went for it. we’re all flawed and askew. so, yeah, it just… fit? the ‘d’ here on tumblr it’s only because my surname has a ‘de morais’ in it. i also liked that it resembled ‘alaska’, the john green character i was kinda of obsessed with back in my teenager grunge phase. i don’t like these kinds of books anymore, but i guess some details stay with you. do you think it’s weird? never thought of changing.
thanks for this outstanding ask, it certainly entertained me. and hope you have a nice sleep today, big hugs coming your way! 🤍
#fanfiction#yizhan fic#yizhan fic rec#bjyx#ao3#mdzs fic#wangxian#daiharu#wangxian fic#wang yibo#xiao zhan#yizhan#the untamed#mdzs#lan wangji#cql#kagehina#kagehina fic#haikyuu#house md#hilson md#hilson#hinata shouyou#millionaire detective#fugou keiji balance: unlimited#kageyama tobio#wei wuxian
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hello i was tagged by @18minutemajor for WIP Wednesday. it is not Wednesday but i am also not a cop so . here we gooo!!!!!!! tagging my esteemed colleagues (very politely and with no pressure!!!):
@neonfretra @oensible @sorrellegiance @moregraceful @stereax
@wheelsnipecelebrini
@korshrimpski (EDIT: it won’t?? let me tag you. unless these are on separate lines <3)
what's in-progress in your life <3 writing? art? recipe? skill acquisition?
if any crafty people see this - if ANYONE sees this - and would like to join in, feel free and consider yourself tagged <3 (and tag me back so i can see your stuff!!!) link to 18minutemajor's post if yall curious :3 my VERY long wip dump + ramblings under the cut!
its christmas soon and i like to paint gifts for my friends + and i'm finally revisiting my anime/lineart/inking era (here you are K!! my lineart past, present, and future!! <3) so here are some things i've been working on/coming back to/MAY NEVER FINISH: hockey related:
this is juraj slafkovsky and his dinky little middle part which he can absolutely learn to style into something a little less dinky but never does. i am so charmed by him. i imagine he just rocks it because his pretty privilege supersedes dinky middle parts . LMAO!!
here is Sasuke from my Naruto Hockey AU. I am a little stuck on jersey mockups lol. here he is. our haunted little 1OA who is absolutely normal and regular about his captain (LOUD incorrect buzzer):
personal oc art
wanna know some puckpocketed deep lore? i've never been one to make OCs. i was just not a very creative kid tbh. spent all my time drawing sailor moon instead. i still go back to her sometimes because she is one of my favourite shapes in the WORLD!!
in my 20s i took up playing d&d because of the. uh. plague. <3 and got pretty close to having OCs!! those count right? anyway. here is my tavern-wench-turned-wizard!!! i think i painted this 2 years ago? <- put dates on your works guys it saves lives. her name is Mel (short for Melins (pronounced like melons. on account of her knockers. can you tell i never grew out of my 12 yr old booby/cock joke era?) i revisited Mel recently and have started painting her in earnest again!! :3
I briefly dated someone who was very into streetwear and fashion, and I fell down a techwear/gorpcore/cyberpunk rabbit hole for a couple days out of curiosity. i remember literally zero salient info on any of it except the broad strokes of silhouetting and Vibes. what i emerged with, however, was a ?? sorta OC?? im not sure what to call them. they dont rly have a name or gender. I did this little sheet ages ago + the aborted attempt at a portrait later:
Here are my most recent explorations (i have been doing SOOOO much art. <3) which include:
unfinished character sheet + chibi art. I played with their jacket (much more structured/square/tailored thing) and added a lotta random buckles and belts. i took textiles class years ago and have a little experience in garment construction. and i know for a fact this thing does not make any sense. it hurts me to look at a little bit LMAO so i've paused it while i go draft patterns (badly. i was never good at drafting. i think i may have to break out my scrap fabric stash and hand sew a real life mock-up. HELP!)
here is me having fun with them and imagining them as some kind of cyber-fisherman. the best part of every game is the fishing mini-game to me. i love fishing mini-games so much. I made their hair really big because i wanted them to have big unwieldy hair and the vibes told me i should add more movement to the piece aside from the fishing line. I messed with their jacket AGAIN because i can't stop thinking about what kinda jacket they'd wear. gorp-core ? idk. it sure is something!
gifts for my friends :3
back in my weeb era for real YAYYYY!!! up til now i'd been making hockey art using a zero pressure sensitivity pen brush because i simply did NOT want to deal with that. it is and has always been a barrier to me making art that uses line art. <3 easing my way back into it though!
I used to paint gifts for my friends and then get them printed into lil posters and mount them on nice backing :3 i am now ready and back to painting.
Here is my girlbestie's OC. just a rough pose sketch. i think im pretty unsatisfied with the gesture of the head/hand. i wanted to include her gun in some way. i fear i may have to rework the pose entirely <3
For the genshin girlies.. here are some of my friends fave characters.
Yelan - this one i started many holidays ago and put on the backburner because the colouring was wigging me out. you can see where i started rendering stuff + got sidetracked and started on something else (the crystal choker IM LAUGHING @ past me...)
Ayaka - I reaaally like what i did here with the perspective + foreshortening. I don't know if the pose or expression is in-character or not, but i had fun :3 got stunlocked looking at references of genshin weapons so this is where i left off:
if you made it all the way down here hi... <3 ice hockey really cracked the ketchup bottle open for me when it comes to making art again. i love the communities i've found, and i'm inspired by every artist on here every day. thanks for being so cool + have a great day :)
#hiiii... late with starbucks (gigantic wip dump now i feel good about sharing again)#puckpainting#tag game#eye contact#the . the tag thingy for half of these aint working HELP <3
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want to join the fandom cause it seems fun seeing fanarts and you and others interacting but I don't know how...and with the whole ai thing im scared...
my advice: just do it
really! sometimes all you really need is a leap of faith, and that was exactly how I dropped into the cod fandom. When I joined the ghoap discord server I talked to one of the artist I really like and respected from my lurking time (hi @bressynonym) aaaand the rest is history
I didnt know how to draw properly, nor digitally, all I did was scribbling on OneNote (yeah!) and rambled about cod characters, it is daunting and it is scary to interact but after a while? you may just be able to find someone to brainrot together with
start small, like commenting, reblogging, talking, chatting- doesn't have to be towards artist/writers, it could be the art/fic enjoyers!
you need to put yourself out there if you want something
as to if you want to start in the fandom as a creator, here's some more tips (which are all based on my experience, I am no pro at doing this, hell Im still learning myself, and I am by no means speaking these on behalf on others!)
establish a goal: what are you making? fandom based? original creations?
as with starting new, everything may take a while for stuff to happen, you'll feel like you're speaking to the void at times (esp with original arts, but do know that your stuff do get perceive by others as time goes, I would advise to draw fandom stuff as a beginning to get that boost going if you want! or else it's going to be quite hard to get things rolling)
imo this is hardest part of any new creator, you'll have to bear with it and try not to give up (but I understand how incredibly demotivating it could get, there were times when I stopped posting about Raven entirely, but eventually I post it anyway cuz surely someone out there will like them, it just takes a lot of patiences and perseverance)
btw, engagement can also vary from time to time, you may be booming for a bit, then suddenly you dont, it is a cycle that will bound to happen
take rest regularly, and I mean a break from social media because numbers, discourse and everything can get to you, very quickly (I cannot emphasise this enough)
the numbers are not worth it over your mental health (comes with practice to really solidify this thought)
study the algorithm (pain): see what other creators are doing to get where they are, what tags are they using in their post? what features/niche do people like?(this is, if you really want to grab some form of engagement, bcuz reminder in the end you are creating art for yourself first!)
example: I think posts would get more reach if you tag it with the ship name first, followed by the characters' name (doesn't work all the time tho)
that's the thing about algorithm, it is ever-changing, and you'll have to learn to adapt with it when it does!
expanding on that, studying algorithm could be about ships (for example, ghostsoap is most popular in the fandom), or really good rendered art/flashed out fic that leaves your jaw on the floor, or ships that gets lesser attention in general which puts you, who make content about them, easier to be brought into the light (like Faralex)
bUT, it can also be personality!
(again, not saying this is meant for everyone and strictly from my own experience + what I observe) for me, I made up the lack of my art by establishing a personality: a wild panda who yaps about price and their oc and also kinda everywhere in the place (just like this post LOL), OR you're the person who named themselves after Soap's ash particle number OR you're the one who likes bottom Ghost- literally anything goes, you want to make an impression in different ways, some more funny/goofier than others but it works (be mindful and stay respectful tho, dont wanna be the asshole in the fandom now do ya?)
efforts ≠ engagement (not all the time, but most time) and this is a fact. Sometimes, you can't expect a piece you did for 10+ hours to get thousands views and likes, especially in a fandom space. You need to understand algorithm is that wonky. (very disheartening, but again, you make the art for you and the few others who genuinely likes them, and those people can go a long way) be mentally prepared for such events, and try not to beat yourself up too much for it
ultimately tho, do it, do it scared but do it anyways and again, draw the things that bring you joy, I hope these could be helpful in some ways!
#sorry this got longer the more i typed#i met bressy bcuz i love their oc stuff and we just kinda clicked after a while#and then? i met gog and tappy bcuz of our oc interest like holy shit...someone like MY OC??#it is all a process- the bad and good#but you'll never know these processes until you start making a step towards it#anyways sorry for the tag bressy LOL#gummmyspeaks#ask response#thanks for the ask <3#i should be studying HAHSKJDH
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nyaho!!! :D i have a request for lorenzo, zantetsu, raichi, and toki (seperately) if you dont mind.
this is kinda cheesy but bare with me hehehehe. meet-cute!! at a café!! reader is a barista and they (the characters) are just mesmerized by reader's overall aura and friendliness, and they get flustered while ordering thier drink. then, they try to make a move on reader when they're picking it up!!! uhhhhh go crazy go wild do what you want with this byebyeeee :3
HELP THAT'S SO CUTE??? I added Shidou as well because....... I found a pickup line that fits him too much 😭
Requests open! - masterlist
Tags: gn!reader, reader is a barista, fluff, Shidou's pickup line is suggestive
Lorenzo feels as if he's fallen in love at first sight when he enters the little coffee shop and spots you behind the counter. He puts on his best smile and leans over the counter a bit to get a little closer to you, but not too close since he doesn't want to make you uncomfortable. While Lorenzo watches you preparing the drink, he's thinking about what he'll say when he picks up the drink. He's pretty sure a lot of customers have flirted with you already, so he needs to stick out somehow. But when he picks up his drink and gets to look at you again, he's so mesmerized he completely forgets how to speak. The way he's staring at you with a bright blush makes you giggle. "You need anything else?" Lorenzo quickly regains his ability to speak after hearing your question. "You number maybe?" - "Only if you say please."
Zantetsu always gets something wrong when ordering his drink and getting so flustered while standing in front of you definitely doesn't make it easier. But you're patient with him the entire time. No matter how many times Zantetsu gets something wrong, you're happy to help him get his order right. Your sweet personality makes Zantetsu blush and while he's waiting for his drink, he can't stop thinking about you either. He already knows if he won't say anything now, he'll regret it later. So when he picks his drink up at the counter, he leans a little towards you and asks. "So... do you come here often?" His question confuses you, so you respond: "I work here." Zantetsu realizes how stupid his question was, but he tries to play it off "That means if I come here more often, I get to see you again?"
Raichi has rarely been to cafés because he never knows which drink he wants. He's either too picky or indecisive about what to get. But today, he decided to try his luck and get whatever the barista recommends to him - and that just happens to be you. You end up recommending your favourite drink which he happily accepts. "Can I have your name for that order?" You ask, to which Raichi responds with "I could give you my number." It catches you a little off guard, but at the same time, you're a little impressed. Still, you don't want to give in to his little flirt right now because you're at work. "I need to write your name on the cup, you know that?" Raichi sighs and tells you his name, then waits for you to finish his order. He only notices it when he's outside already, but you wrote your number on the receipt.
The moment Tokimitsu put his eyes on you for the first time, he immediately got flustered. He stutters so much while ordering his coffee and even messes up a part of his order, but is too shy to mention that when he realizes it. He figures he'll just have to deal with that. Tokimitsu adores your patience and friendliness a lot. even though he knows it's your job to treat customers nicely, he gets the impression that you're not only so sweet because you have to be, but also because you genuinely want to treat everyone with kindness. When he picks up his drink, Tokimitsu looks into your eyes for solid five seconds while trying to figure out if he should say anything. But then, he gets embarrassed and quickly thanks you before he leaves. Although, this definitely won't be your last encounter with Tokimitsu - and maybe someday, he manages to talk to you properly.
Shidou is a regular customer at your café so you've had your fair share of interactions with him. And because it's Shidou, those interactions have always included a lot of flirting. He's had a crush on you ever since his first visit to the café, so he's been trying to win your heart ever since. Today, he enters the café with his confidence even higher than usual. Instead of saying his order when he steps in front of the counter, he looks you straight in the eyes with a grin on his face and says: "Can you pass the coffee and sugar? Because I think you just made me cream in my pants." You're trying to hold back your laughter but quickly fail at that. "That was the worst pickup line you've ever said." Shidou crosses his arms and acts offended. "Come on! It was a good one." - "No, it really wasn't."
Taglist (sign-up link): @kaineedstherapy12 @gojosorrygeto @luvcalico @remy-roll @truegoist @acacIa @futuristicxie @bluelock4life @https-archangel @userwithlotsoftime @vanitasbrainrot @deerangle3 @truegoist @astruosie @zyuuuu @ririgards @depressed-bitchy-demon @kaiserkisser
#💟 maochira writes#bllk#blue lock#bllk x reader#blue lock x reader#bllk x you#blue lock x you#don lorenzo#don lorenzo x reader#don lorenzo x you#zantetsu tsurugi#tsurugi zantetsu#zantetsu x reader#zantetsu x you#zantetsu tsurugi x reader#zantetsu tsurugi x you#raichi x reader#raichi x you#jingo raichi x reader#jingo raichi x you#jingo raichi#raichi jingo#aoshi tokimitsu#tokimitsu aoshi#tokimitsu x reader#tokimitsu x you#aoshi tokimitsu x reader#aoshi tokimitsu x you#ryusei shidou#shidou ryusei
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Swordswoman Showdown 3rd place
Camilla Hect (The Locked Tomb) vs Brienne of Tarth (A Song Of Ice and Fire)
(Better here in a "preferred character" sense, not "who would win in a fight")
Camilla art by @friendamedes, used with permission
Propaganda below cut
Cam
trained w a rapier & knives. practical. handsome. extremely efficient and capable.; she’s my boyfriend and I love her. Please vote for cam she is my life
Gideon Nav uses one very large sword in defiance of the expectation that a cavalier should use a rapier, but Camilla Hect instead uses two. Just as much defiance of social expectation, twice as many blades. The reveal of her specific brand of swordiness is the heart of one of the book's most iconic lines: "Cam? Go loud."; In the spirit of the laconic charm of the Warden's Hand I will simply say "Camilla's competent."
She prefers two short swords but has been know to wield a rapier and other such bladder instruments; She also loves to organize spreadsheets
Go loud.
Brienne
gets gifted a sword made with the rarest metal ever because she’s THAT good; she’s simply the best
Brienne is one of the top sword users alive in her day. She's descended from a man who's catchphrase was "I'm better with a sword." Better than what? You. Jaime Lannister. Loras Tyrell. Any five given guys at once. She has a fantastic sword that might be magic or cursed and is named Oathkeeper because that's what she does; I love her
Beat like 20 guys in a tournament when she was 19. Was given a magic sword. Won a sword fight against the premier swordsman in the realm. Very swordly; Very tall and strong. Holds her sword in high esteem. Accomplished with other weapons as well!
She's defeated multiple of the top knights in the series in duels. One such knight gifts her the fabergé egg of swords and she uses it to defend orphans and stuff. Got out of a bad betrothal by dueling him and beating his ass so bad she broke multiple bones. Honestly there's so much more she is the swordswoman of all time. to me; She's buff and ugly and 6' 5" and so honorable and kind that she inspires the guy who fucks his sister to yknow. stop doing that. literally gets mauled for the sake of protecting a bunch of orphans (with her sword). also she's 20 she should be at the club ‼️
One of the best sword wielders in Westeros, the author says he would pick her to defend him. Has a cool sword called Oathkeeper. Manages to go up against 7 fighters and take out most of them,. The only true knight; First off, talking about book brienne, they massacred show brienne, the show runners simply didn’t understand what she’s about.“ She had no chance against seven, she knew. No chance, and no choice” brienne had plenty of choice but she couldn’t leave people to die. The chivalric paradigm is rotten and corrupted, but here is Brienne, the one true knight, who isn’t even a actual knight! “knights are for killing”, but here is a knight who risks her life again and again to protect innocents! Bri IS hope, she is the light in the dark that shows that things can be better, things must be better. Fundamentally an idealist: “Winter will never come for the likes of us. Should we die in battle, they will surely sing of us, and it's always summer in the songs. In the songs all knights are gallant, all maids are beautiful, and the sun is always shining”
#BRIENNE WON A MELEE WHEN SHE WAS 19 !!!!!#DONT LET HER LOSE
#MORE LOVE FOR BRIENNE#SHE FOUGHT A DAMN BEAR WITH A WOODEN SWORD#SHE AVENGED A MAN UNJUSTLY MAIMED#SHE PROTECTED CHILDREN AGAINST SEVEN MEN#NO CHANCE AND NO CHOICE
I'm going to put some propaganda for Brienne, because she deserves the world.
Some people have been quoting the "no chance, no choice" in the tags, but for those that don't know it comes from this scene:
...she could hear the faint clink of swords and mail from beneath their ragged cloaks. She counted them as they came. Two, four, six, seven. (...) Brienne sucked in her breath and drew Oathkeeper. Too many, she thought, with a start of fear, they are too many.(...) Brienne tried to keep the fear from her voice, but her mouth was dry as dust. The children, she thought. The door to the inn banged open. Willow stepped out into the rain, a crossbow in her hands. The girl was shouting at the riders, but a clap of thunder rolled across the yard, drowning out her words. As it faded, Brienne heard the man in the Hound’s helm say, “Loose a quarrel at me and I’ll shove that crossbow up your cunt and fuck you with it. Then I’ll pop your fucking eyes out and make you eat them.” The fury in the man’s voice drove Willow back a step, trembling. Seven, Brienne thought again, despairing. She had no chance against seven, she knew. No chance, and no choice. She stepped out into the rain, Oathkeeper in hand. “Leave her be. If you want to rape someone, try me.”
This is basically one of the most badass and awesome moments of the series... because here, Brienne is not guarding a King, vanquishing a great Evil Lord, or fighting a big glorious battle... this is an inn full of orphans being attacked by raiders, children whose lives really don't matter in the great scheme of things. If they were all to be killed, nobody powerful would really care, no history book would write their names.
The logical thing is to run away from there as fast as she could. And yet, Brienne decides to enter an unwinnable nightmarish battle (one where she gets her arm broken and her face eaten) because is the right thing to do. She is a true knight.
Because, in the dark pseudo-medieval world of Westeros, where the patriarchal martial system reigns supreme, there is no space for someone like Brienne, she herself said it best:
"You have a noble father who must surely love you. (...) I know he would tell you that he would sooner have a living daughter than a shattered shield." "A daughter." Brienne's eyes filled with tears. "He deserves that. A daughter who could sing to him and grace his hall and bear him grandsons. He deserves a son too, a strong and gallant son to bring honor to his name. (...) I am the only child the gods let him keep. The freakish one, not fit to be a son or daughter."
And yet, despite being on the fringe of this society that doesn't accept nonconforming gender expression, despite not being able to be named knight, Brienne is still the embodiment of the ideal of knighthood. She is a true hero, who over and over decides to defend the innocents and do the right thing.
So yeah, my conclusion here is... I think she and kiku should kiss <3
#camilla hect#the locked tomb#brienne of tarth#a song of ice and fire#finals#round 6#official#poll#swordswoman showdown
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Fanfic Writer Interview
thank you @alonelystargazer for tagging me!
no pressure tags @earthtodora @sunnyyflowerrs @kentuckyfriedmegumi and @kat-likes-writing !!!
How many works do you have on AO3?
counting the ones i moved to "anonymous" i have 36 for 3 fandoms
Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes:
Family is Embarrassing
Dancing With a Stranger
summer lovin'
koi no yokan
honey and lavender
all itafushi. i write other fandoms/ships sometimes but yeah im mostly known for itafushi. if i can even call myself known.
Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
okay so i DO but im just really slow right now because of uni. like i have 100+ comments stacked up im so sorry guys. uni is kicking my ass. but usually i try to bc i like to let readers know that i appreciate the support <3
What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?
....this is hard i have a few that are pretty bad. the one that hurts me the most is right where you left me (ghost au)....idk it's like sad and happy. they both sortaaa get what they need but also like they dont get to be together, and i think (hope) it was obvious from the start that a happy ending wasn't on the table for them
What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?
contrary to popular belief i write a lot of happy endings!!!!!! i want to say koi no yokan even though it's not out yet, not because it has the objectively happiest ending, but because the whole thing is so angsty and a lot of people have said they doubt that i'll actually give a happy ending. and i will! anyway, i'd say its the happiest because its like. relieving at the end. without giving too much away.
Do you write crossovers?
i don't think i'd write a crossover in the traditional sense where characters from two medias interact, but i've written au's where i put the characters from x show into the universe from y show. that's probably as close as i'll get to a crossover.
Have you ever received hate on a fic?
four times...ngl i was a bit confused abt one bc it felt like they hadn't read the fic, one time they just hated the ship and took it out on the fic, and the other was recent......that once kinda upset me bc of the second ask they sent.
Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
uh. hm. i have. i'm very shy abt it so i would never post it in a way that'd tie back to me, and only a few ppl actually know abt the details.
Have you ever had a fic stolen?
not that i've seen.........but im also chronically offline these days
Have you ever had a fic translated?
also no, but i do frequently get comments in spanish which is cool
Have you ever co-written a fic before?
tbh i think it'd be fun, but i'm also so particular abt my process that i think it'd frustrate the other person. however....there would potentially be a few ppl i'd be interested in writing with. but once again, i'm shy
What’s your all-time favorite ship?
itafushi ofc. my number one forever, i don't think a singular ship has ever grabbed me by the throat like this before
What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?
sigh theres so many. i recently published a new fic and i'm like not even feeling motivated to write the next two chapters......i feel bad abt that bc i did already share it. this is why i need to write all if not most of the multichapter before i share it. most of the things i have rn are just ideas tho bc i havent had time to write much that's new
What are your writing strengths?
oh god......um i think i do a good job creating an emotional atmosphere and taking the reader inside the pov character's head
What are your writing weaknesses?
description for sure. i'm just not good with visual things, whether its art or descriptions in writing. i'm also not observant which doesn't help like i couldn't tell you anything about what's happening around me right now which is Not Good. either way it hinders my writing fs. also i think sometimes i struggle w pacing and characterization. and dialogue. um. honestly i think i have a lot of weaknesses, i'm not the fondest of my own writing unfortunately.
What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?
hm. i think it has a place ig, but personally i would never do it, despite the fact that i'm trilingual and definitely have the capacity to.
also this is an unpopular opinion, and i think it comes from my time studying japanese in university, but when i see like "gojo-sensei," or "itadori-kun" type things, it does make me cringe a bit. like i know that is what they are saying but like if i did that in class it would be marked wrong so i've just been trained to read it as incorrect.
What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?
ngl rn im only interested in writing for itafushi. i would like to write more for tokyo ghoul soon though
What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?
at this present moment.....right where you left me. there is also a budding au in my drive that i'm quite fond of but i'm waiting to share more details on that
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What could really even justify you doxxing everyone anyways? You seem to have some reason tell yourself it's fine, but... what even is that?
ho boy. okay last night i was going fuckin Thru It but im slightly more mentally stable this morning. i tend to get worse the later in the day it gets. tbh i should start tagging my mentally ill ramblings cuz yall ask these kinda questions a lot (which honestly doesnt really. help my delusions. but yadda yadda audience retention and engagement)
first of all, lemme get this out of the way: im not trying to justify what i do. i know its shitty. i know im shitty. im not gonna pretend im the Good Guy here, im just not quite the Bad Guy either. not everything is black and white.
its not an excuse, its an explanation.
anyways. back to the question. ill put this under the cut because this might get pretty unreality-heavy very quickly. and also i realized halfway thru that this was getting kinda long
look at it from my perspective— be incredibly mentally ill with me for a moment here. you believe yourself to be a part of a narrative. you dont know what kind. you dont know the genre, you dont know the story, you dont know what role you play or the role that your friends play. but you know that you are all part of the narrative in some way.
you know how stories tend to go: the plot is often driven by factors outside of your control— be it by someone else’s hand (ex: the villain burns your village down, there’s a killer at Camp Crystal Lake, two people get in an argument, etc) or by the whims of the universe (ex: a tornado rips through your town, you get diagnosed with a terminal illness, you find a golden ticket in your chocolate bar, etc) but nevertheless the story always starts because of a impending or unexpected change.
keywords impending or unexpected.
the characters dont expect it because they dont have all the information. they arent omniscient or genre-aware. they dont know whats happening with the other characters, they dont know the complexities of one another and how they are a product of their circumstances. they arent looking for literary devices in their own narrative because they dont know they’re in a narrative in the first place.
but you do. you’re a self-aware character. you believe youre in a narrative. and because you’re aware that you’re in a narrative, you are placed in a unique position: you can try to predict the narrative. its like watching a TV show. the characters only have one perspective, but the audience has everyone’s perspective— the complete narrative.
but of course, as part of the narrative, you arent the audience, are you?
but if you watch everyone around you, if you gather as much background information as possible, you can become as close to being a part of the audience as a character can be. you can have all the information necessary to make those predictions. and maybe, just maybe, you can predict the direction the narrative is headed before it happens. you cant be caught off guard if you know everything you need to predict the twists.
(hell, i think im in the midst of finding a twist right now. but i need more time to figure out all the pieces before i make any predictions. plus, a good narrator never outright reveals the twist to the audience before it happens. im the one with the stakes here, not you. but i digress, ive gotten off-topic.)
but there’s a glaring issue in your plan: because you’re a part of the narrative, you can’t exactly change it, can you? sure, you can TRY to stop it, but if you try, is that really you stopping the narrative? or did you just play right into its hands? did you change the story or was the story always written that way? you wouldn’t know: you’re a part of the story, aren’t you?
but the audience isn’t.
and this is where you can stop being mentally ill with me and step out of my shoes again (chances are my shoes are too small for ur feet anyways lmao)
this is where you— yes, you reading this— come in. because you are the audience here. you are MY audience. you’re completely removed of the narrative i believe myself to be trapped in. you’re on the outside looking in.
i believe myself to be in the unique position of being a character that can interact with their audience. and while i may not be able to change the story from the inside, maybe, if i interact with the audience, we can influence it from the outside. i just need to retain the audience enough to generate engagement with the story.
and what better way to generate audience retention than by giving them the information they need to predict the story in a way i as a character probably never could?
dear viewers, do you know what that’s called?
that’s called being a narrator.
but like i said before, a good narrator never outright reveals the twist to the audience before it happens, do they?
and an interesting narrator is an unreliable one.
…
anyways! wow that did not help my mental health. this is gonna be a hell of a day. so much for being mentally stable this morning lmao
but yeah. look. theres a reason i used language like “you believe” and “i believe” and “i may”. im aware that i suffer from delusions and paranoia. im aware that i am horrifically mentally ill. im aware that this all sounds completely inane. im not trying to say that this is the definitive truth of the universe. this is just my belief.
you may not be a part of a narrative. you dont even have to believe IM a part of a narrative.
but i believe myself to be.
#USERZ#pkmn irl#rotomblr#the mailbox#behind the scenez#<- think thats what ill tag my mentally ill ramblings as#ill go back n retroactively tag the others later#//#tw unreality#HALblocked
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girl what do you feel about kris' and noelle's relationship in snowgrave i want to know
OK OK. first of all thank you for specifying "in snowgrave" because if you just said their relationship in general i would literally never stop talking.
second tho, im really bad at putting how i feel about character dynamics into words because often there's just soooooo much to be said and different ways of looking at it and i get overwhelmed if i try to make some all-encompassing analysis. so let it be known that whatever i say here is not the full picture and there's so much more i could say.
putting this under the cut because i already know im gonna talk for way too long:
that being said oughghghhgh. where to fucking begin. i'd say the most fascinating (and disturbing) thing about their relationship in snowgrave is the weird romantic undertones. the fact that you have to pressure noelle into the idea of riding the ferris wheel with KRIS instead of with susie, her actual crush.
one of the most overt symbols of this weirdness is definitely the thorn ring. i know it isnt the only ring you give to noelle to equip, but this is the one that's mandatory for the snowgrave route. in order to do the route, you have to make KRIS give NOELLE a RING. a ring that literally HURTS HER TO WEAR. if that isnt a metaphor for a forced relationship i dont know what is
however perhaps the most damning and obvious one is of course this option:
i would say something about this myself but @/sorrybutiforgothowtomakecontent's tags on another one of my posts really summed it up:
im also aromantic so this really resonated with me. but yeah just going back to the first point they make. you literally HAVE to say "we're something else" in order to do the snowgrave route, which seems to make it pretty clear that this kinda subtext was intended. snowgrave can only exist with kris and noelle being "something else" because that's literally what snowgrave IS.
my favorite way to view snowgrave is through the lens of an arranged/forced marriage. again, the ring. it just feels so gross, especially because it's not just a regular marriage but an abusive marriage. snowgrave is abuser simulator (2021). im sure i dont need to explain that part
but the thing is, SNOWGRAVE IS NOT JUST ABOUT NOELLE and that's what makes it SO BAD. not only is noelle being forced to go through all of this, but KRIS is being forced to be the one who does it to her! kris clearly is EXTREMELY upset about snowgrave judging from the constant opportunities to choose more "normal" dialogue and abort the route, and from afterwards when they meet back up with ralsei and susie:
kris, under no circumstances, wants to do ANY of this. but they literally do not have a choice. snowgrave isnt kris manipulating noelle, it is US forcing kris into manipulating noelle. no one is winning here. they're both traumatized, and kris physically cannot even talk to their friends about it or show the true extent of their hurt. it SUCKSSSSS
and when you consider the idea that kris and noelle's friendship may have become strained specifically due to dess' disappearance, and kris possibly having something to do with that with the bunker and whatnot..... well now you're just forcing kris to hurt their friend AGAIN, when in the normal route this could've been their chance to finally reconnect. ahghrhgrhghh
going back to the marriage stuff, it's just so uncomfortable to see these two forced together like this. noelle is in love with susie. we dont know kris well enough to know if they have a crush on anyone (or if they get those kinds of feelings at all), but that doesn't matter. the fact is these two are likely not romantically interested in each other at all, and they are being forced together BY THE PLAYER. and it's horrific. (and even if one or both of them felt that way, this is still entirely wrong. they do not get a choice here)
@/hellspawnmotel's tags on this comic of hers will always haunt me, bcuz like. yeah. this is it:
there's also the fact that kris is naturally kind of a goofball; they're a prankster, especially it seems when it comes to noelle, as can be seen with the stepping off the button thing or the many, many examples from their shared childhood brought up by noelle.
but in the snowgrave route, kris drops this entirely. all of the alternate dialogue options to abort the route, which are very likely FROM kris, are very genuine and apologetic. kris is scared they're going to lose their friendship with noelle completely because of what you're making them do, and it's like they panic and all of their usual goofiness and sass is just dropped for genuine emotion. it's really sad to see honestly, esp in a full snowgrave route where you know that their efforts will be in vain.
OH OH ALSO. can't believe i haven't mentioned this yet. the fact that NOELLE KNOWS SOMETHING IS GOING ON WITH KRIS. THAT'S one of the things that really makes me insane.
noelle goes through ALL THAT, seemingly AT THE HANDS OF HER FRIEND....... and yet. she knows that something is wrong. she KNOWS kris, and she knows that they don't act like this. you'd think she would instantly cast kris off, it would be the right thing to do, but she doesn't. because she knows that something is off.
i cannot stress enough the fact that noelle is the ONLY one who seems to have noticed just how strange kris has been acting. sure other characters comment on kris seeming off or doing something they usually wouldn't do, but it is NOELLE and NOELLE ALONE who takes such notice of it and decides to actually DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
"i have to figure it out" is a mission statement, it implies that noelle (at least in the snowgrave route), is going to actively try to figure out what's going on with kris, WHICH IS CRAZYY and i feel like not enough people are talking about. not even kris's own mother has fully realized something's wrong. like she says, noelle seems to be the only one who's noticed just how off kris has been acting, and the only one who might try to understand and help them. genuinely makes me insane thinking of where that might go in this route oaugurhghh
im gonna stop here because im exhausting myself but. in conclusion I LOVE CHILDHOOD FRIENDS GONE WRONG!!!!!!!!! FAVORITE TROPE EVER!!!!!!!!!!!! anyways read this comic (all 3 parts) and you'll get it
oh also "kris, why are you wearing my watch?" still makes me go fucking insane
#i genuinely could talk about these two forever. favorite dynamic in deltarune hands down#they're my favorite characters individually so the way that snowgrave intertwines their stories#noelle's strength and kris's possession#into this horrible thing of being forced to force someone else to kill and make them think THAT'S what true strength is. augurgrghhrgh#they genuinely make me insane. i need to see more of them NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW#not art#asks
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i have an art request. draw any of your favorite characters from any of your favorite medias and explain why you like them. :)
hehehe. explanations under the cut for anyone seeing this who only cares abt the art
@ubersaw asked me to tag her hi jpeg
cole brew (rhythm doctor) - he's literally me irl if i was a musician instead of an artist
wx-78 (dont starve) - human who didnt like being human and wanted to put their consciousness into a robot body... they just like me for real. bonus point for being enby
pyro (tf2) - just full of such whimsy and mystery!
paintbrush (inanimate insanity) - the reason i figured out i was non-binary. im pretty sure they didnt become a favourite until after that, but they were the first enby character i ever heard about so i latched onto them very quickly :)
petra (minecraft story mode) - my first girl crush except i never realised until a few years ago because i didnt know i was queer when mcsm first came out. she is saur cool
v2 (ultrakill) - the dream's end come true fancomic really made me think about just how tragic her story is. bested by the first version of itself, who was presumed to be worse than it as its predecessor, only to be the end of her life... i try not to think about it for too long. bonus points because robot who is genderless (are you starting to notice the pattern yet)
frye (splatoon 3) - once again just full of whimsy :) i love her dynamics with all the other idols, especially with her own group
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writing this on a whim because my brain is torturing me about it for some reason and i figured what better place to go than tumblr [this is somewhat sarcasm]. i do not particularly know why i am writing/asking this but im chucking it out there to ease the thoughts so i can go to sleep
to any systems or whatever or really anyone reading who found this through the tags i put here, how did you know you were a system. or plural or how did you start questioning it how did you figure it out. bear with me its past 2 am my writing is atrocious . how did you know if you never knew before?
i dont think im plural, but something wormed its way into my brain today or yesterday and i dont know why or when and and its not the first time this has popped into my brain i think. the thought of what if what if what if but im me. its my me it there its me its my thoughts and there is no other people in my brain just me myself and i. its not quiet it never is but it is just me
i think a clearer question i want to ask is: how can you tell if something is just dpdr[because i fear i may have that, unfortunately it is very likely] or this? this as in osdd or did or whatever
it would appear simple but unfortunately for a lot of my life my sense of self has been so broken and so messy because. fuck all everything happening i guess but its just me, truly. i talk to myself, i draw different versions of myself together, i split myself into many parts to cope with things, to highlight the different parts of me, variants. the wolf, the puppy, the robot, the hermit, the hollow, the dragon, and whatever the Me is i dont know who or what i am when im so many things and nothing at the same time. i didnt completely think about this but also how heavily i relate to certain characters in media but this may just be a nonhuman thing. i see so much of myself in certain characters and so much of them in me sometimes to the point where i dont know where i start and they end. but again i think that is just a nonhuman thing or a coping thing. because its still just me here
where does the age regression and nonhumanity start and where does it end when i rely on my creations of myself to keep me afloat. i only talk to myself through thinking and drawing, i dont talk to anybody else in my head, its all me. and unfortunately theres a pattern where i learn of something and i think about it and i go, "oh, no, no no, that is absolutely not me, never would dream of it! even thinking that i could be that is a crime to all the ones that truly have that!" and then it ends up being too true. the depression, the adhd, the age regression, the therianthropy, the hard denial of abuse, the hard denial of possible autism. my friends speculate i have ptsd or cptsd. i dont want to go down that line of thinking with this, i *know* i dont have it, but the fear
its annoying because ive never really been here present in my body im never really here and the horrors dont end and theres always been something wrong with me but i know its other things. i wont share the details, but the situation ive been in the past 8? months has been horrible horrid no good on my brain i hate being awake. and it feels like someone else took the reins but im still feeling the hurt i still have the memories but they dont feel like mine. my memories have never felt like my own but theyre mine and i have to write everything down or i will forget. i go to work i listen to family shit on me i go to work i do something all day but its not me im still in my room playing a game in my pjs but that was almost a year ago but im still there but i went to work but it wasnt me
because my mind is empty, its just me. it really truly is just me. i think im just lonely. and hoping someone could take me away from everything im always going through or for someone to be there. in my head
there was never anything to make me think this before, a couple times i have but years ago, for no reason, im quite sure its just me. i had imaginary friends as a kid which is normal for kids. i still kind of do but its just me talking to me, im saying two things. i think i just have a lot of possible trauma[i dont believe im traumatized but my friends are quite firm that my entire life has been a shitshow since i was born] and a lot of coping mechanisms plus the fact that i have to pretend for my family and me being trans and me being nonhuman and me so its mostly just that
i dont really know what exactly im even asking. i think im just throwing out a bone and praying for someone to go "yeah dude thats normal youre fine, youre normal" and for my brain to stop ruminating and its annoying. or for someone to ease my curiosity and fear and dread. im throwing out a bone, im begging for someone to glance my way, im begging for someone to tell me its okay. not the begging to be okay but to say that my brain is okay and that my life is okay
#i dont know what to put here#ill put everything or anything#for anyone to see#its okay if no one responds to be quite honest#i just needed to put this *somewhere* for my own sake#ill probably forget about it#at least hopefully#ill just put every tag i can think of#sorry for cluttering the tags by the way.#i just want help#osdd#did osdd#did#osdd system#osddid#did system#dissociative system#dissociative identity disorder#dissociation#depersonalization#derealization#depersonalization derealization disorder#questioning osdd#questioning system#dpdr#loss of self#im sorry about the tags again#i will try to go to sleep now
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